The forces that drive an individual to become who or what they have decided to become in this lifetime have proven themselves to be much less obvious than I had once imagined them to be. For years I believed that income, control, and an inherent fear of 'god' were the primary factors behind the majority of the decisions that we make in the western world on a daily basis.

However, my recent unemployment and subsequent job search has profoundly impacted and vastly expanded my thoughts on what it is that really drives us.

The truth is, I have no idea...

The second I think I have narrowed it down to its core, the true essence of human nature has managed to elude me. The simplest behaviours are the often the end result of a complex series of events, and in turn, the most complex scenarios are often conceived through acts of sheer simplicity. It is astonishing...

The only thing I am sure of is that the things that motivate me to keep moving forward and the underlying sense of responsibility that I feel in my heart are not the same things that motivate or inspire those around me. But... having said that, I have never met a man nor woman who did not dream of greatness.

Although being able to 'live the dream' for a few years opened my eyes to and unveiled a number of the universes fundamental truths.... it also contributed to a slight 'loss of sight' on my behalf as well. I developed a tendency to get lost in the 'bigger picture' of things and continuously found myself looking past the smaller issues that existed on the surface... the very same issues that now appear to be completely unavoidable.

I am working on it...

Despite the fact that I was able to make ends meet as a professional fighter (with the aid of friends, family, sponsors, guest seminars, special appearances, and all the change that I found beneath the cushions of all the couches I crashed on), money never motivated me to pursue a career in MMA. And, the cold hard truth is that I never came close to making the type of money that people usually associate with professional athletes (not that it ever mattered to me). But... my point is, as human beings, we tend to get lost in 'titles'... whether they are our own or not.

Being a 'professional fighter' never changed the way I felt about myself... but, without a doubt, being the owner of this 'title' has drastically impacted other peoples opinion of me. It gave everything I did a certain level of credibility and presented me with an opportunity to speak my mind without as much speculation or ridicule as there would be if I was not in the position I was.

I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunities I have and look forward to expanding my personal experiences and exploring the 'normal' yet different opportunities that lay ahead of me.    

Last week I was offered a job in tech-support for major call center and recently applied to be a personal trainer/wrestling-mma coach at a gym in town... I can't help but feel that everything is going to work out just fine.