The other night I woke up with feeling that I was about to die.

I was not aware of who or where I was and felt as though I was drifting in and out of a heightened sense of awareness and complete unconsciousness at the same time.

I eventually 'came to' when I was overcome by the repetitive vibrations that resonated throughout my ribcage and the heavy echoes of my beating heart, which palpitated as though it were ticking like the second hand of a clock telling me that there was not much time left.

I couldn't steady my eyes or find the breathe to ask for help...  nor did I feel the need to.

I eventually drifted back to sleep, unsure of if what had just happened was a dream or not.

I am still not sure what to make of it all.

Anyway, I guess by now it is no secret that the past year has taken its toll on me. I lost my last outting against a very game Remi Morvan in July of 08. I lost my coach, training partner, mentor, and over all inspiration Evan Tanner last September, and am now at the point where it looks as though I may lose my job and one of my few, if not only remaining passions.

For the past 3 years I have basically lived from one visit to the chiropractor, massage therapist, and sports medicine doctor to the next. All of these people were under the impression that the pain and tightness in my hips had stemmed from long hours at work (truck driving) and mixed martial arts training.

Understandable...

Anyway, after a few unsuccessful and uninformative visits to the emergency room and multiple prescriptions for heavy pain killers I decided to visit another ER.

Last night I was fortunate enough to be X-RAY'ed and get an MRI done on my back...

MRI Findings =
L3/4 Annular tear and broad-based disc herniation.
L4/5 Broad-based disc protrusion with mild narrow of the left L4 neural foramen.
L5/S1 Disc disease is worse at this level. There is a borad based disc protrusion with a more focal component in the left paracentral region. The L5 neural foramina are significantly narrowed bilaterally. The disc is touching the left S1 nerve.

The wait for a consultation and the surgery I require can be anywhere up to one year or longer... I completely believe that I will be back better than ever, and am looking forward to finally being able to train and compete while healthy.

However, if for one reason or another I am unable to compete in the future...I will be ever grateful that I got to say goodbye to MMA the way that I did. I may have lost my last fight... but I got to walk to the ring alongside my friends and family while listening to "Con Te Partiro", which will forever be one of the most significant moments in my life. Even more so now.

Thank you all for being a part of the community that has allowed me to live out one of my dreams. Although I am unsure of what the future holds for me at this moment in time, I am trying to keep an open and optimistic mind... this is just another roadblock in the ongoing adventure that is my life I guess.

Time to say goodbye.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso si li vivrò.
Con te partirò
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più,
it's time to say goodbye.