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Ride, Chapter 44. |
It is no question that nomadic blood flows through my veins.
To deny myself of this would be to to deny myself of the many lessons that I have learned throughout the past five years of my life... to turn a blind eye to the countless sights that I have seen, and to deafen my ears to the words of strength and encouragement that I have heard.
I am not willing to do that.
I refuse to accept that this is a path is with no purpose, a search with no destination, or a hunt with no treasure. However, if this may be the case, I have no qualms admitting the fact that this nothingness has fulfilled me completely.
I have become accustomed to packing all my belongings in a hockey bag and leaving great cities, great gyms, and great people behind. I have consistently struggled to develop the right personal and professional relationships in the right cities at the right moments in time... time and time again.
This is most likely the reason why traveling has become such a prominent part of my life.
Each mile I have traveled has been translated to thought and put to paper... each mile is as relevant to my story as the very words used to dictate it. Sometimes they are long winding sentences with perfect flow and direction, and other times they are repetitive, unpaved, and incoherent ramblings with no end in sight.
This is just the nature of my writing... and my life.
Although some routes have been easier to transcribe than others, I note them all... mapping the endless peaks, valleys, straight aways, and dead ends I encounter along the way.
This life is an education through exploration, experience, and honesty.
I have always felt that on their own, Kingston, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, and Las Vegas could not be my home. However, I can't deny that there has been and currently are important people, places, and events in all of these cities that have made me feel more than at home in them.
Although some cities have presented me with less resistance than others, I know that I can exist in all of these places.... but existing is not what drives me, there is no value or passion to be found in merely existing.
I am alive, and strive to feel as if I am living each day as if it were my last.
I have been trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together for some time now, picking up my life and moving from one city to another looking for the perfect place for me to fit in... I now realize that the problem in front of me may not be a puzzle, and that simply moving from one place to another does not change who you are, only where you are at that particular moment.
In order for me to find the balance that has managed to avoid me for all these years, I need to adjust the different components of this rubix-life so that all of the colors can align themselves in perfect harmony.
I made a number of extremely difficult personal and professional decisions this week. I genuinely believe that these decisions will result in a much more active and prosperous 2009 (well... what is left of it) for me. By discontinuing unhealthy relationships and fostering those that will bring me closer to the places that I belong, I will be able to get back on track... I will be able to get back to the places that I should have been acquainted with so many months ago.
Although it is difficult to say for sure... I hope that there will be no more lengthy periods of inactivity or self-inflected misery when I make my return to MMA. I can't help but to embrace the great sense of importance and urgency that now surrounds this aspect of my life.
Win lose or draw, you will be seeing a lot more of me in the near future.
Even though the wheels have always been in motion... the passenger has finally taken the reigns and gripped his hands around the steering wheel.
and now I ride.
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Posted:
June 26, 2009 at 10:58 AM
By:
Ian Dawe
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