The other night I wrote about the beauty of living in the country and how the stars made me feel as though the whole sky was blooming right there in front of my very eyes. Shortly after the pen left my hand I took another look and thought about just how far away those glimmering lights really were.

Although I have an incredibly interesting job, a loving relationship, and a support system like no other competitor, athlete, or friend I know... I am often overcome by the feeling that something is missing from my life (a feeling that I have yet to adjust to or conquer).

I have lived with failure, loss, pain and suffering... I have hunted down the loose ends in my life only to be reminded of the fact that their frayed edges are more embedded in my DNA than they are the source of this void.

I am now convinced that this gap does not stem from the things that I have experienced in this lifetime nor has it evolved from the number of opportunities that have passed me by... and just like the ends that ought not to be tied, perhaps this gap is more a part of who I am than the resolved and revisited chapters of my life.

The healthier I get and the stronger I feel the more I think about returning to mixed martial arts. Not because I want to revisit an unfinished chapter of my life or because I feel the need to tie any remaining loose ends together... not because I believe that MMA is the missing link or because the people around me still consider me to be a 'professional fighter' (even though I haven't competed in years). I am going to fight again because just like the stars that consume the country sky, some nights the roar of the crowd is so loud I feel as though I should be walking through that tunnel, stepping into that ring, and moving on to the next chapter of my life.

So queue the music...

Once again, I'd like to thank my friend Warren Lee and Pitchfork Hardwear (WWW.PITCHFORKNY.COM) for hooking me up with tickets and VIP passes to the Slayer show in Toronto last week. I can't wait to finally be able to represent these guys as much as they have repp'ed me.