As disappointing as it has been for me to not be able to live, train, or fight as I once did... being injured has allowed me to pursue many of the passions that I had pushed aside while I was fighting.

Fortunately I have been presented with a number of interesting offers since my departure from mixed martial arts. I am extremely excited to be a part of 'Voices of the Underground', a collection of pieces being put together by Matt Mcrae. So far committed to being a part of this project are NY Times Best Selling Author TJ. English, Nathan James (Founding member of FSU), Pol Brennan ( I.R.A escapee, political prisoner), Joel Bull (Author, Publisher, HFL), Joel Weston (Accomplished author, poet, and publisher), Toby (H2O), Roger Miret (Agnostic Front), Freddy MADBALL, Lord Ezec (aka Danny Diablo, SH, C.O.T., DMS), and many others.

Three months ago Matt was hit by a drunk driver while out on tour... he broke his back, every bone in his face, all of his ribs, suffered serious brain trauma, and was in a coma for an extended period of time. Although Matt was not supposed to survive the crash or be able to walk ever again, I am proud to say that he is now up and walking with the aid of a walker. He is also working extremely hard at putting this book together despite everything that he is going through.  

I knew that I wanted to be a part of this book when Matt explained the importance and message behind it all to me. He told me that 'this is something that has the potential to change people's lives, to inspire. This is the kind of book that will have something for everyone. The kind of book that someone will sit down and read from cover to cover and then go back to the beginning and read it again. This book will open people's minds, teach them new things, and let them know they are not alone...'

This will be something special, and I am honored to contribute what little I can to this project.

I was also very fortunate to be a part of the 'Breakout' television series, a program dedicated to documenting and depicting real-life prison escapes. The series will will air in the UK at the end of this year, and then be shown on the Discovery and History Channel here in North America sometime early in 2010.  

My brother and long time friend Junior were selected to be inmates in the first two episodes. We were sent to wardrobe around 8am and given two sets of uniforms for the different episodes we were going to shoot. We were given breakfast and directed to stay 'in character' throughout the day... a feat that was not much of a problem as we all enjoy working out, playing cards, and being the center of attention around one another from time to time.

Junior and Brad were given more intense roles than myself, but... I am pretty excited to see and hear myself chumming it up with the boys on the big screen, ok, television screen ha ha. Junior and Brad share a number of pivotal scenes and dialogue with the lead in episode one, and Brad and I get to tip-off the lead in episode 2 on how to escape the prison (with a combination of green and blue jolly ranchers fyi). We also learned how to play dominoes and a number of card games while in the slammer.

Overall it was a great experience. We got to sneak around the prison during breaks and scenes that didn't involve us and witness some of the strangest and most intense things I have seen in a long time... being locked in a dingy cell for 23 hours a day with thousands of restless men would be an experience I would rather not experience without the cameras.

Here are a few pictures of our day 'on set'.

The prison.

Brad eating complementary grub.

Junior doing a set of pull-ups.

Prison Issued vellys.

Junk, JR, ZOLA.

Hanging out in my cell.

ZOLA, JR, myself on break and 'in character' ha ha

Me and Jr.

Again...

'Parsons' getting a meal. He is the main character in the second episode.

Dinner is served... still shooting upstairs.

Bubs AKA 'The boss'. "Day to day politics... you are out of bounds"

At times I can be an incredibly difficult person to be around.

For a little over a year I have let feeling sorry for myself infect my personality. After the loss of a close fight, close friend, a number of dropped bouts, and a variety of nagging injuries, I quickly succumbed to the sorrow that had rooted itself deep within my heart . Unfortunately I was too self-involved to notice that this virus had violently deteriorated the relationship I had with my myself, my environment, and with those who had stuck beside me on this journey as well.

I let this disposition negate everything that I had overcome and made it extremely difficult for me to embrace the people in my life who had endured so much hostility and did not abandon me.

Needless to say, I have not been the easiest person to deal with.

Although Alan and Brittany had accompanied me to the emergency room countless times, when the doctor informed us that my injuries were much more serious than they had initially suspected, I felt scared, alone, and full of anger. It was as though I had hit rock bottom, was given a shovel, and told to keep on digging... nothing was going my way.

It took a conversation with my brother, my girlfriend, and a phone call from a friend to make me realize that I had begun to isolate myself from those around me once again.

Despite the fact that every day I am not  training signifies a lack of progression professionally, I have to learn how to separate the pain and helplessness I feel professionally from my personal life... something that has proven to be much easier said than done.

I cannot ignore the fact that I am being held back from what I feel is my true calling. MMA is everywhere around me, and I cannot compete. There is now fight coverage in local newspapers, fights on pay-per-view and live broadcasts on a number of television stations, there are pop-up adds and MMA websites all over the internet as well as fight magazines and MMA related apparel on the racks of nearly every store I visit.

It has been hard to stay positive.

However, last week was Brittany and my last week in Toronto... it didn't make any sense for me to ruin our last few days in the city together by waging a war against myself like I have done in the past.

We spent our last 3 days indulging in many of the behaviours that have guided me towards destruction in the past. However, this time things were different... I have learned to accept the fact that these behaviours have the ability to lend themselves to positive experiences... just not every day. I have tried to stop taking the pain medications I have been prescribed as regularly as I was before, and reserve them for only when the pain becomes unbearable.

Picking tunes on our balcony after a few too many $3 beer from Ginger, our favourite Thai Resturaunt on Queen Street.

My favourite junk food aside from Kit-Kat bars, Jalapeno Poppers and All you cant eat pasta.

$8.50 movie theatre in St.Lawrence Market.

Not the biggest theatre ever create... but it works.

Britt's purse aka our Snack Pack.

Movies were followed by $15 Margarita pitchers.

and then $7 nachos.

All packed. This = My life.

Brittany and I moved in with my twin brother (BUBS, ZOLA, SCRADLEY) this week... It took a few days to get everything settled but so far everything is going well. I had an appointment with my family doctor yesterday and was referred to another spine/back specialist and rehabilitation clinic in town. Hopefully I can book a date for surgery and get my life back on track as soon as possible.

Here are a few pictures from our stay with Brad so far.

Brad eyeing powdered doughnuts while I try to open a bottle of wine with a screw and hammer.

The drink.

Me = Magiver.

Britt crossing the creek to get to the geese.

The calm water wasn't as calm as we thought.

Almost there.

We made it... going after the geese with a peace offering.

B's new best friend.