Why waste our days worrying about the storm while the sun is standing so proudly above the horizon.
Why board up the windows and hide in the basement when the wake is nothing but a reminder of past adventure.
Why not catch the wave and risk being swallowed in the swell when the undertow greets those who tread the calmest seas and battle the strongest currents alike.
Why be anything or anyone but yourself.

I have been steadily climbing the mountain-face towards normalcy for some time now... and just as I thought I was about to reach the apex of this ascension, the grips above me vanished.

Left with no other option than to descend, I have equipped myself for the journey as best I can.

I am well aware of the fact that there is no way for me to settle at the camps of past accomplishments, and that there is nothing to be gained by attempting to re-build on the crumbling foundation of previous successes.

This is not a retreat.

In order for me to reach the summit, a new route must be devised... a route in which nothing has been over-looked, an expedition that commences beyond the depth of my being and stops nothing short of tearing through the skyline...

One step at a time.

Yesterday...

After hours of laying in a hospital bed and routinely being fed a 'cocktail' of oxycodone and extra strength ibuprofen to numb my hip, I was sent on my way with a referral to see a sports medicine doctor next week and a prescription of the same drugs to hold me over until then.

Luckily Alan was able to get me an appointment with a specialist at 5:30 this evening. Hopefully we can narrow down the cause of my pain and I can get back in the gym as soon as humanly possible.

I have a job to do.

UPDATE - I just got in from my assessment.

The good news is that my problem (although very painful) is an entirely manageable one. The bad news is that the treatment necessary for my recovery is not covered by OHIP and is extremely expensive.

The sponsorship hunt begins.

Even though I feel as if I have finally found the right combination of gyms, trainers, friends, and living situation in Toronto, I am ever mindful of the fact that this path can be an extremely lonely and uncertain one.

Despite the positive progression and forward momentum I have experienced as of late, I have been somewhat overwhelmed by the feeling that each step forward is essentially one step closer to the edge.

Having said that, this time something is different, this time I think I can make it... this time I I think I can fly.

If not, I have thrown myself onto the rocks before.

I have been battered, broken, shamed and defeated. I have learned how to pick up the remains and start anew... I have unsuccessfully tried to drown this life too many times.

Late last week I signed a contract to battle a set opponent on a set date. However, I have decided not to make the name or date of this event public until everything is 100% concrete.

If everything goes according to plan, this will be the most publicized contest of my professional career... so it is only fitting that this will be the greatest test of my combat career as well.

I have made a conscious decision to embrace my past without being consumed by it, to live each day as an animated memorial to those who have provided me with guidance yet distancing myself from them at the same time, to be comfortable with my thoughts and not with what is thought of them, to walk the path that is my own.

I still believe.