After a few weeks of job-hunting and the impending doom of working at a call center, I am fortunate enough to have landed a position I actually enjoy.

For roughly the past two weeks I have been working as the ‘Head Boxing and Muay Thai Instructor’ at Premier Fitness (a title much more sophisticated than what it entails.) For roughly eight hours a day, six days a week, I offer the fundamentals of Boxing and Muay Thai in a variety of different fashions. I run group demonstrations, fitness classes, and one-on-one private sessions… and as far as my existence at work is concerned, I couldn’t be more comfortable.

Being able to watch people grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience… being able to witness the outward projection of ones inner self and the evolution of a healthier, more determined, embodiment of this being transcends any amount of financial compensation. 
                                                                                                                                                                                 

And although having an income may open a lot of doors for me in terms of my social life, it is safe to say that the numbers in my bank account wont be lost on fancy new outfits or a cell phone that doesn’t resemble a brick in my pocket…. I am fully aware of what I need, what I don’t, and what I want to save for. And although I am a notoriously stingy person (buying shoes is a big deal for me), you won’t catch me saving up for a ‘staycation’ any time soon. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Every dollar that isn’t being put towards groceries, rent, or the remainder of my student debt will be put towards my next excursion. I made a promise to balance responsibility and wanderlust and I intend to keep it. 

There is no doubt in my mind that being employed has given me a new sense of self-worth and direction. However, it has also made it increasingly difficult for me to maintain a number of the great friendships that I was able to foster while living as a jobless ‘internet junkie’.

 

Don’t worry… I will get on it.

Some time this summer I will be heading back to LA to hang out with friends, catch some waves, and create even more memories that will last me a lifetime. But for now… I will work, I will save, and I will try my best to stay on track.

PS Here are a few pictures of my ‘studio’. The walls are a little bare right now but thanks to Hayabusa and my Long time sponsor Pitchfork Hardwear I am hoping to bring a little life to the place.

Ever since I have been old enough to understand the notion of action and reaction, I have been bold enough to stand in the ocean that crashes between creation and consequence. And although I have always had a general idea of the types of things that I wanted to take from and give back to the world… the majority of my life (post-education) has been lived on a day-to-day basis.

Part of the reason I enjoy traveling so much is based on this day-to-day philosophy. There is nothing better than the freedom of landing somewhere new and knowing that everything and everyone you encounter is meeting and appreciating you for who and what you are to them in that exact moment of time and nothing more. And at that moment, whether they realize it or not, everyone is operating on the same page and functioning on the same level… on a second-by-second, minute-by-minute, day-to-day level.

There is nothing like it…

This outlook has gotten me laughs, loves, lost, and on more than one occasion it has landed me in the middle of some completely crowded and far too many not-so-crowded night club dance-floors.

What a trip…

Anyway, the reason I am writing this blog is because after a long conversation with a friend, I realized that being injured and unable to function as I once did may have caused me to lose sight of who and what it is that really matters to me. I realized that I have drifted away from this mindset in some aspects of my life and left it in complete control of others. As a result, I have not been able to think as clearly as I should and my focus has been lost on activities that lack the depth to equate to short and or long-term happiness.

I now aim to incorporate wanderlust and productivity while enjoying adventure and solidifying the base of my future life. I was recently hired at a call-center in town and am being interviewed for a very promising security position next week. I am also meeting with the course co-coordinator of a Social Services program that is offered at a local college.

Fighting is in my future, but... I will not put the rest of my life on hold while I wait for surgery.

Right after touching down and just before our plane came to a stop at its designated terminal, it hit me. Just as the rest of the passengers scurried towards their carry-on luggage and right before they started breathing down one another’s necks for a spot a little closer to the exit, it hit me. Right after I was camouflaged by a swarm of nudging people and just before I waited for my bag to make its way down the conveyor belt, it hit me... I am not the man I was when I left this place four days ago.

After a little confusion Gerard picked me up at LAX  and we headed to his place (where I would be staying for the rest of the week). On our way to Long Beach we discussed the rigors of training, the popularity of MMA in California, and the dreadful act of cutting weight... I was a little concerned about how and when we were going to get down to the interview but Gerard did a great job at putting me at ease and making me feel 'at home'. After throwing my bag in the office and meeting Sophia (his fiance) and Lance (his best friend/film partner) we all went to get some Mexican food at Hole Mole. I was a little skeptical of the highly recommended and dollar-a-piece fish Tacos, but... they were delicious.

I set up shop in the Tough Crowd Productions office and alternated between sleeping on the couch and an air-mattress... it was at that moment that I realized how much I really missed living off of the couches, futons, and floors at my friends places.

The night before my interview I stayed up late, read, and reflected on everything that occupied my mind until it was clear of distraction... and when I was ready, I crashed. My interview with Gerard was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Being able to relate to and understand one another made the process much more of a conversation than anything. There were moments of laughter, moments of sadness, and tears from both.

Aside from my interview and Gerard/Lances work schedule (paperwork, scheduling, logging, editing, etc) there were no set plans. We cruised along Long Beach, drove through Huntington Beach, and hiked through some of California's cliffs. We ate at some of California's staple fast food joints and had some healthy home cooking ('Sonnen oats' and 'Sophia Pizza').  It was one of the most uplifting experiences of my life and I left L.A. knowing that I had made friendships that would last me a life-time. 

Although my friend has passed on to the next stage of his spiritual development, he is everywhere. He speaks through songs on the radio and shines through videos online, his words drift atop the waves and whisper in the wind... he lives on. 

Please visit and support the Evan Tanner Project, www.onceiwasachampion.com

Although I am incredibly grateful to have been given the 'green light' by one of Canada's premier spinal surgeons, the bureaucracy of the Canadian Health Care system and the 'wait-time' that accompanies my current predicament has made this detour of mine often appear to be endless... aside from the obvious physical limitations associated with my condition, watching myself deteriorate month after month has been incredibly draining on an emotional and mental front for me as well.

It is extremely difficult to maintain a healthy state of mind when the only escape from the pain is responsible for the distance that now exists between myself and the people I love. I am also incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that these are the same people who have had to witness a lot of the less than healthy and completely inappropriate behaviors that they have, but... I never intended to hurt anyone, I only intended to stop myself from hurting... and I am sorry.

I now know that the balance between medicating pain and creating it can be crossed so easily... and I am working on it.

Having said that, I am currently exploring alternative avenues of treatment and looking forward to forging my way back towards the man that I am capable of becoming. After an initial consultation at the Canadian Decompression and Pain Center in Kingston, Ontario. I felt that this was an approach I could not look past. I have only had two treatments but I am trying to stay optimistic and focused on the gains that can be made by completing this form of treatment. I will keep you posted in regards to my progress.

Here are a few pictures from my second visit to the CDPC in Kingston.

Chillin before the illin

Strapped-in.

The Rack.

January 5th I will be traveling to and staying in Los Angeles for a few days to be interviewed for a documentary about Evan (Once I was a Champion). As difficult as this will be, I am excited to be part of something so great. Please visit and support www.onceiwasachampion.com

The other night Brittany and I had the pleasure of sitting in her hot-tub with no witnesses other than the pale quarter- moon whose glowing eyes light up the star speckled winter sky.

And as the steam danced off of our bodies and our eyes got lost amongst the constellations our words flowed as gently as the cool country breeze along the icy back-roads.

We spoke about our lives and remembered all times that our paths had crossed in the past but never lead in the same direction. We spoke about how the universe speaks to those who care to listen and the reasons why she made the trip to visit me in Toronto a little over one year ago. We spoke about our ups and downs, our mistakes, and how our relationship has affected our lives outside of 'us'.

We spoke about the vastness of our world and the mysteries that lie within the solar system. We discussed the many different types of places that we wanted to visit and  touched upon a number of places that neither of us had any desire in seeing.
 
And although I truly believe that the universe has a way of putting certain situations and people in our lives... I also believe that every now and then we need to ask the universe why some of these things have happened and what will happen if we continue to live the way that we have been.  

Now... I am completely aware of how silly this may sound but I will not deny that things of this nature tend to interest me from time to time. So... yesterday I participated in a Tarot Card reading and was pretty surprised with how close to home some of the cards hit.

It is no secret that 2009 took a big piece of me, but... without a doubt, it has also made me a better person. I am thankful to have experienced the things that I have and to have come in contact with the people I did. I can only hope to have learned from my mistakes and to make 2010 a better year than those of the past.

Thank you for walking beside and standing behind me through it all.

love.

What Covers You: Five of Pentacles

Briefly: You may be called upon to help someone in need and this may be financial help.

Full Meaning: The picture on this card shows a woman who is wearing a scarf covering her head and shoulders.  She is comforting a young man who has a bloodied bandage around his head.  His left hand is also injured and bandaged.  He carries a long stick in his left hand to assist him walking.  The woman looks concerned for the young man and wishes to protect him from life’s harsh experiences.  In the background is a large disc containing five pentacles.  If you draw this card you may be called upon to help someone in need and this may be financial help.  You would be wise to question the motives of this person, just in case they are leaning on you too heavily, whereas they should be standing on their own two feet.

What Crosses You: Page of Pentacles

Briefly: You may be on the receiving end of some really good news within about one month.

Full Meaning: The picture on this card shows a good looking man of about 22 who is clean shaven and rugged up ready for winter or a long journey.  He wears a beret with a feather in it, and a coat with stripes on the sleeves, which could represent a military uniform or other suit related to his field of work.  He looks strong and courageous.  He is headed in a certain direction and carrying a large Pentacle.  He is obviously on a mission to bring some good news to someone.  In the background are mountains and a river with tall trees dotting the landscape.  This could represent a place you will visit in the near future, or where you will live. If you draw this card, you may be on the receiving end of some really good news within about one month.  If the card represents someone you already know, rest assured success lies ahead for them. If the card is yourself, you know where you are going and how to get there. You will gain recognition for your endeavours and the esteem of your contemporaries.

What Crowns You: Knight of Wands

Briefly: An indication of the arrival of someone important coming into your life.

Full Meaning: The picture on this card is of a man on a horse swiftly charging through the day with fearless abandon. He has a mission and knows exactly where he is going. Sometimes this card can indicate the arrival of someone important coming into your life, or it can signal the hasty departure of someone from your life. If you are expecting someone to arrive, they will do so very quickly. If you sense that someone wants out, they will leave just as quickly. This can also signal some type of emergency, though not necessarily too serious of an event that has speeded up. Perhaps someone is admitted to hospital and you have to get there quickly. There is unlikely to be any serious problems stem from this event, just that the matter had to be dealt with as soon as possible, without any delays, such as an appendix attack, for example. If you are single, it can mean your next lover is just around the corner and you will find this person to be very warm and responsible. He or she may be born under an Earth sign, such as Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn.

What Is Beneath You: The Hanged Man

Briefly: There is some type of time lapse going on around you. Things have not quite reached fruition and you have to take a wait and see attitude.

Full Meaning: When you draw this card you are being advised that there is some type of time lapse going on around you. Things have not quite reached fruition and you have to take a wait and see attitude. There may be some delay to your plans and it is best to be patient and bide your time. Someone may seem unbalanced around you and creating a difficult though not unsolvable problem. Trust your judgement and make allowances for this for the time being. Time is the great healer of most dilemmas so be the keeper of your own counsel and it will serve you well. Someone may also be having difficulty with their leg and unable to walk or get around as they usually do. They may need a walking stick or crutches, just temporarily. Give a wide berth to anyone who is not in the best of health either physically, mentally or emotionally. If you have to make an important decision around now, take your time to weigh all the facts and be sure that it is the best choice possible.

 
What Is Behind You: Justice

Briefly: The time has come to reflect on the choices you have made along the way. This card shows that wrongs will be put right.

Full Meaning: Whatever your past has brought to you, the time has come to reflect on the choices you have made along the way. Perhaps there were things you would rather not have done, and your are planning now to make amends for anything you would like to clear up once and for all. If there have been some people who have crossed you and brought you distress, you are now wise and mature enough to deal with it in an intelligent and abstract way. Your thoughts are on making things better and improving your relationships. If you have to go to a court of law around this time, the final decision will be one that is fair to you. This card shows that wrongs will be put right. You can assist this process by addressing those issues that had caused friction and pain in your life and make some headway towards a more harmonious relationship with those closest to you.

What Is Before You: Two of Cups

Briefly: Perhaps a new love is going to appear and involve some long-range commitment for you, the birth of a child or new found love.

Full Meaning: The picture on this card shows a man and a woman looking at each other and each one has a cup in the left hand and they are making a toast. There are some heavy black clouds in the background and these may indicate a period of time, such as further in the distance, or in the past. Perhaps a new love is going to appear and involve some long-range commitment for you. The number two can represent time as in days, weeks or months and this may indicate when the encounter will take place. The woman may also become pregnant early on in the relationship, or if a married couple have been trying and this has been delayed or hindered in some way, now it may eventuate. Also there can be a celebration of some kind and this of course could indicate the celebration of the birth of a child. If you are single and looking for romance, then it may be on its way and you could find this person proves to be your soulmate.

Your Self: The Devil

Briefly: This could be the little devil who is prankish or disruptive in the classroom or with other playmates. However it can also be a strong and forceful element in a grown up that unleashes its tremendous energies at whoever stands in the way of his/her desires. Someone can be incredibly possessive and dominating around you if you pull this card out in your reading.

Full Meaning: This could be the little devil who is prankish or disruptive in the classroom or with other playmates. However it can also be a strong and forceful element in a grown up that unleashes its tremendous energies at whoever stands in the way of his/her desires. This is considered a Trump card, and therefore contains many powers to be utilised as the needs or desires arise. Someone can be incredibly possessive and dominating around you if you pull this card out in your reading. Often they have a love/hate relationship with someone and it could be getting out of control. Someone is madly in love with or wants to control the actions of another and this should not be allowed to continue as it represents one persons victory at the cost of another's defeat, and to great distress for the one defeated. If you are trying to succeed in business it is likely that you will with this card as there is no stopping the determination and the will to succeed. Someone may be power hungry around you and their ambitions are stirred to such an extent that failure is inconceivable to them. Do not anger or irritate those who show the slightest signs of violence or hostilities, for to unleash the devil has no boundaries or limitations to the trail of devastation it can leave in its wake.

Around You: Eight of Cups

Briefly: There are things and situations to ponder over and a time of solitude is required before a decision has to be made.

Full Meaning: This card shows a person with a hooded cloak walking with a staff near an inlet that is surrounded by tall cliffs. You cannot see the person's face as they have their back to you. In the background is a crescent Moon. It appears to be either early morning or early evening. There are eight cups in the foreground. This is symbolic of being in a reflective state of mind. There are things and situations to ponder over and a time of solitude is required before a decision has to be made. If you draw this card you either live in a setting like this or it is not far from your home. Or perhaps you are considering moving to a seaside resort area at some point in the not too distant future. This can be a time when you choose a different course of action that puts you where you are destined to be. It is also time to consider bringing in some newness into your life and leaving the past where it belongs, in the past.

Hopes and Fears: The Fool

Briefly: Journey of unique and unknown destination. Innocent of life and will have to learn by his own mistakes. He is a wanderer, with great enthusiasm for life and for love.

Full Meaning: This card shows a picture of a young man walking towards a cliff edge, with a long rod leaning over his shoulder.  On the end of the rod there appears to be a handkerchief holding all of his worldly possessions.  Following beside him is a small white dog.  He is almost oblivious to what pitfalls may lay before him.  He is on a, a journey of discovery. He is almost like a tourist, as he looks right, left, above and below to anything that catches his eye.  He is curious and adventurous.  He wants to know everything and is keen to look, learn and discover whatever life is going to teach him.  He is innocent of life and will probably make many mistakes along the way.  He is a student of life and will have to learn by his own mistakes.  He is a wanderer, with great enthusiasm for life and for love. He is young and open-minded, with a desire to have many new and varied experiences so that he can get a taste for life and decide what it is that he really wants.  He does not yet know what the world will bring, nor what his unique destiny is, but he will soon find out.

Outcome: Ten of Wands

Briefly: Your objectives now need to be focussed on the long term solution to current problems, rather than just a band aid on the situation.

Full Meaning: This card shows a man struggling with a heavy load. This may reflect some aspect of your life where you feel a little overwhelmed and unable to continue without a strong will and a determination not to fail. Your motives are of high standing and you only want what is best for everyone concerned. You will soon gain the feather in your cap and be able to move freely through life as if the coast is finally clear. Your objectives now need to be focussed on the long term solution to current problems, rather than just a band aid on the situation. Give yourself every effort to succeed and you surely will.

Have a great holiday season everyone!