Luckily Brittany and I were able to make it out to Milton, Ontario (which is just under an hour away from our downtown Toronto apartment) and do some thinking, hiking, and rock climbing at the Kelso Conservation Area earlier on this week.

We started our climb on the 'road to ruin' and slowly worked our way along the cliffs edge towards the caves atop the hiking trails. We stopped every now and then to reflect and take some pictures.

With over 397 hectares of hiking trails, rock faces, and forestry... there is no shortage of land to explore at Kelso.

Britt sitting at the edge of a cliff. 

Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead, overhead...

"I'm coming I'm coming" 

If you look closely you can see that I am in fact a camouflage man 

After a couple of hours we finally found the cave we had been looking for. 

Britt at the lowest point of the cave we could reach... looking further down. 

The drop-off Britt was looking at.

If ever there was someone to keep me at home, it would be you.

I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts, I'm alive...

It is often said that there are specific moments in our lives that have the potential to either 'make' or 'break' us... certain scenarios that present us with the opportunity to define our true selves or self destruct.

Athletically, I have been fortunate enough to demonstrate my capability of rising to the occasion in all of my bouts. However, from a personal perspective, I feel that I have let myself and those around me down.

It would be foolish for me to believe that this hasn't affected my professional life as well.

I will not deny the fact that over the past year I have taken great strides towards becoming the man I have always aspired to be. However, I also know that there have been periods in which I have veered off course and lost sight of who that man is... sometimes these episodes lasted days, sometimes weeks, and sometimes they dragged on for months.  

I will get there.

As I was reading over some of the blogs that I have written and never posted, something dawned on me. I noticed that the majority of these entries were not finished... and if they were, made little to no sense at all.

These are the chapters of my life that have not been put to rest. Fragmented sentences that reflect the unresolved issues that have slowly worked their way to the surface.

Although I am not sure of how I should approach these obstacles, or if approaching them will equate to personal resolution or pain... I know of a place that once offered me fulfillment and peace, a place that frequents my dreams and waking thoughts.

I know where I need to go.

I would like to thank you all for your continued support and belief in me. I have received countless letters expressing words of wisdom and encouragement. You have sent me your pictures, cards, money, and well wishes. Without you, I would not be in the position I am.

This is something I need to tackle on my own.

I am coming.

Birthday Weekend Pictures -THE BIKES.

I hate heat-snakes.

Al fleeing to scorpion territory. 

The brothers united. Al and Bubs. 

THE BOOZE.

This guy turns into...

This guy....

THE REST

Me and Super fan slash girlfriend Bert. 

Our hangout.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

Although I have never really placed much of an emphasis on my age in correlation to my personal and professional growth, my 25th birthday marked a significant turning point in my life.

When I first started training in MMA my goal was simply to have a professional bout. Regardless of if I won or lost, I just wanted to fight. No one really understood why I wanted to do it so badly, I just knew that it was something I needed to experience for myself.

I got a phone call from a friend and former teammate of mine one afternoon while I was trying to navigate a 5 ton truck through the narrow streets of Belleville Ontario and simultaneously stuff my face full of chocolate covered almonds in June of 2007..... He asked me if I wanted to fight for King of the Cage in mid July.

I said yes.

Excited, thrilled, and terrified at the same time, I didn't really think twice about the consequences of my actions.

Due to the fact that I had no official rank nor belt in brazilian jiu jitsu at the time, I was told that if I wanted to compete in a professional MMA match that I would not be able to represent nor train with the team I had grown with for over a year and a half.  

Although I knew that there was not enough time for me to have a proper training camp and that I was being brought in as a last minute and 'green' sacrificial lamb to lose to the local and more experienced fighter, the challenge excited me.

I left the gym. I fought. I won.

Similar stories coincide with my 2nd and 3rd professional fights. I made a name for myself by stepping up to face bigger, stronger, and more experienced opponents. I never cared if I won or lost... I knew that my heart and genuine love for fighting could overcome any size differential or gap in experience between my opponents and I.

Eventually I found my place in the top ten of KOTC Canada's rankings and competed for the # 1 contender spot for Freedom Fights in my last outing.

And now? I haven't fought in almost a year and am no longer ranked in the top ten. I was scheduled to fight four times in the last ten months. Three of these bouts fell through due to reasons beyond my control and one fight I dropped out of due to injury.

Needless to say, I am incredibly frustrated with the sport and my current role in it.

I have decided to pursue other goals of mine while the MMA thing sorts itself out. In 63 days I will compete in my first Adventure Race, something that I have always wanted to do.

I have nearly recovered from my hip injury and am looking forward to mixing up my training program and competing in a sport that is entirely unrelated to the one that I have been training for twice a day five or six days a week for the past ten months.... with nothing to show for it.

This is not a retirement speech... I will continue to train in mixed martial arts. I will compete in mixed martial arts again. Soon.

However, in the meantime there are other goals that need to be accomplished, other mountains that need to be scaled. I refuse to wait for one passion to pick up while watching other opportunities pass me by.

This is a new lease on the old me.